Somewhat recent events have led to this topic being discussed amongst friends. I decided to do some research and share the info with you all. That way if you think you are dealing with a ‘Liar, Liar’ you have a checklist for comparison. *Warning: Its long but worth the read.
I didn’t write the checklist but this is a list I found on www.wikihow.com.
1. Understand what a pathological liar is. Basically, a pathological liar is someone who tells lies habitually, chronically and compulsively. It has simply become a way of life for this person, to make up things for a variety of reasons and eventually, the truth becomes uncomfortable while weaving whoppers feels right to them
2. Determine whether the person’s details and information comes across as consistent every time they tell a story. Find an easy, run-of-the-mill story, such as what the person had for dinner last night. They may tell you pasta and broccoli, but then may tell you and/or others that lobster and champagne was involved. Details and information will constantly change and evolve.
a- Compare and contrast both big and small details. From the number of people in the liar’s story to the actual storyline itself, recall what has changed and how often the details have changed in the story.
b- Keep tally of the cast of characters involved in the story. If, for example, suddenly the third time the story is told, the cops show up, you have to start wondering if he or she is telling the full truth.
c- Recall the frequency of the lies. Pathological liars will lie consistently, which is one thing you can count on––they will lie all the time.
3. Compare stories with mutual friends of both you and the person you suspect of being a pathological liar, to determine if the story has changed or reshaped to accommodate certain personalities.
a- Trying to pit friends/family members against each other. If the liar was involved in an argument he or she may change the details so that he or she looks better. Also, he or she may involve other parties, making up information about the other party in order to get more people on his or her side.
b- Trying to avoid trouble. If the liar has done something wrong, he or she will do whatever is necessary to avoid blame––that means fabricating a story and/or pinning culpability on another person.
c- Fabricating a lie in order to gain attention. The main goal with many pathological liars is to gain positive notoriety. From being bored to having low self esteem, the pathological liar’s goal is to look better than everyone else, so that people pay attention and worship their accomplishments.
4. Consider whether the person is lying to gain attention. Part of the reason the pathological liar feels compelled to lie is because he or she may feel as though being in the spotlight has eluded them
a- Sympathy attention.
b- Wants to feel important. The pathological liar is the king or queen of the “one upper.” Whatever accomplishment you’ve achieved, they done it better.
c- Feels bored. Unfortunately, because this person’s life is not rooted in reality, he or she may become easily bored if drama is not swirling around his or her head. As a result, lies may be fabricated in order to amuse or entertain this person, which unfortunately means that other people become involved and possibly hurt as a result.
d- Insecurity. Low self esteem is one of the biggest reasons why people become pathological liars
5. Look to whether the person has an addiction or secret habits that are potentially harmful.
6. Examine the person’s reaction when they’re busted in a lie. The worst thing that can happen to a pathological liar is to be busted for telling the lie.
a- Extreme defensiveness. Expect the person to become extremely defensive, doing whatever he or she can to pin blame on someone else.
b- Quickly fabricating another lie to cover up the original fib.
c- Vindictive and may seek revenge.
7. Determine if the person lives in reality.
a- Wandering from job to job.
b- Can’t hold a steady relationship. Romantic and interpersonal relationships often fail––this person will typically have a love of his or her life or a best friend for a few months and then will suddenly no longer have contact with that person. Between lies and unrealistic expectations, the pathological liar can often attract a bevy of new relationships but has trouble maintaining them.
c- May be estranged from family. After years of being lied to, family members may not be very supportive or close to this individual.
- An individual who lies habitually will generally lose the ability to differentiate lies from reality. He or she will believe the lies to be the truth – making confronting a pathological liar on their lies nearly impossible.
- Keep in mind that pathological liars typically exaggerate everything they tell you so take their stories with a grain of salt.
- Understand that you’ll never get a consistent story when you talk with a pathological liar.
- “Mythomaniac”, “compulsive liar”, “habitual liar” or “chronic liar” are other names used for a pathological liar.
- Someone who consistently lies to you is a form of disrespect––not someone you want to trust or consider to be a true friend.
- If you care about the person, remind them often that they don’t have to pretend to be perfect. Point out a few of your own awesome screw ups and failures in life.
- As a former pathological liar, it becomes very difficult to control. Most responses are quick and reflexive, although mostly fabricated. Even compulsive liars have tells that give the lie away, get your friends to ask the liar a number of test questions to discern their tell. Then call the liar out every time he’s caught in a lie. Eventually the liar may start calling out his own lies right after he tells them. Remember these people generally have low self esteem, so if they’re caught in a lie a few times then it will deter them from lying.
Now you have a little bit of information so you can spot those lifelong ‘storytellers’. Unless they are getting paid for it, they should learn how to keep it real. I wonder if the rent & gas are cheaper in fantasyland? Leave it to them and the prices will change every day and with every person, LOL!!
Have a good one ya’ll & Thanks for reading!!
Samantha aka ‘CuteintheFace’ xoxo